Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
