So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
