k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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