Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize