you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
