Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
