I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
