I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
