Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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