I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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