I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
