I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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