the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
