ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
