You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
