i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
