I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
