My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
