I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize