I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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