i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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