What did we do last night that was yellow?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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