Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
