My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
