In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
