My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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