I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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