Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
