We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
