Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
