just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
