i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i would punch a child for taco bell
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
