she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
