you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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