you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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