Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
