Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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