Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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