this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
