I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
