so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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