She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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