You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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