I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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