those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
