You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
