Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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