note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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