fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
