I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
