Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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