She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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