NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
