i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize