Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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