well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
