I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Holy shit dude........stairs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
