I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
