You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
