Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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