i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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