Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
