Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
