I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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