just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
