# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Please, let me fuck your mom
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
