Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
