He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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