Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck appropriateness.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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