I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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