BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
third nipple confirmed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize