These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Pooping to opera.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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