I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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