So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
