So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
