do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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