please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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