you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
