1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
