I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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