he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
