my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
