Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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