marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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