I wish my penis had an off switch
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
