Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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