I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I understand Curling. That high.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
