Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
