Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
