today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
