How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
