Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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