every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
