Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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