FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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