He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
