i just had sex bonerless
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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