you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
