I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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