My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
