Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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