I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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