Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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